


The Metallic City

by PerryPurpleFingers



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Merle gets arrested, Taako and Magnus get a room, The Stolen Century, there's only one bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 00:51:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15919608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerryPurpleFingers/pseuds/PerryPurpleFingers
Summary: The Tres Horny Boys go to pursue the Light of Creation only to have Merle get arrested, leaving Taako and Magnus alone with one bed.





	The Metallic City

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheAwkwardLadyJay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAwkwardLadyJay/gifts), [AvaFirebreather](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaFirebreather/gifts).



This year was going to be simple. The Light of Creation fell only a few miles away, and the planet seemed to be peaceful. The task of retrieving the light was left to Magnus, Taako, and Merle. The trip was expected to last no longer than a week. The light fell into a large city, so someone there must know where it was. After a few, short minutes, the trio was all packed up and ready to head out to the city.

“Don’t waste any time getting it, okay?” Lup ran to the departing pack before they left. “Taako, Barry and I have something we want to do this year, and we need your help with it. So, hurry and don’t get yourselves killed.”

“Sure,” Taako sneered, “As long as you promise not to die too.”

Lup gave her twin one last hug before the three set out to the city. The road to the city was bland and long. Trees and other plant life was nonexistent, and the ground was covered in massive metal plates, welded together like patchwork. There were no animals in sight. Not a single insect. No life at all. The only thing to give the world any charm was the pipes. They resembled trees, tubes emerging from larger ones in fractal patterns. Some of these “trees” were several Magnuses tall, according to Magnus. The amazing thing was the sounds. The pipes had hundreds of holes in them. When a breeze came in, strange yet beautiful melodies would surround the trio, mesmerizing them.

“I hate this place,” Merle groaned after only an hour of travel, “There’s no green. No nature.”

“The music’s kind of nice,” Taako remarked.

“I guess."

The city was gargantuan. The metallic buildings reached beyond the range of sight. A maze of glass tubes connected the buildings on several high stories. There seemed to be people walking through the pipes and into the skyscrapers. The travelers were the only people on the ground level. There were freshly painted roads and sidewalks but no people in sight.

An immense grin grew on Magnus’ face. “Piece of cake. Let’s split up and meet here in an hour. Go!” Without warning, the man charged westward.

“Well, fuck.” Taako shrugged and set off in the opposite direction. 

Left to himself, Merle muttered under his breath and started to the north.

Magnus foraged over half of the city in less than twenty minutes. His energy didn’t falter once. Yet despite his efforts, he couldn’t find the Light of Creation. After circling his area three times, Magnus finally slowed his pace and made his way back to the entrance of the city, defeated.

Taako had it easy. He took his sweet time exploring. He figured Magnus would search the entire city in under ten minutes, so why bother giving too much effort? After turning the first corner, there it was. The light was sitting up against one of the monolithic towers. After a sigh of relief, Taako scooped the orb under his arm and looked around for something to waste the next hour with. The bottom floors of the buildings were abandoned. There was nothing but boxes and dust. Taako looked around to find a way up to the other stories, but there was nothing. Naturally, Taako searched the boxes for vulnerable treasures. Junk. Just a bunch of antiquated or broken junk. Now, he was bored. With nothing else to do, he decided to make his way back to the entrance to the city.

Merle pouted as he half searched for the light. His focus was on the planet. How could it survive without plants and animals? Where was everyone? How much longer did they need to stay? His mind dwelled more on these questions than his mission. The troubled dwarf was lost in his own thoughts when he noticed something green.

Emerging from a small crack in the metal plating was a young sapling. Merle ran over to the plant to confirm its existence. It was real, and it was growing. Without thinking, he retrieved a type of pick from his bag and began to peel back more of the cold steel. After several minutes of work, the soft soil was revealed. Merle paused to admire the presence of the rare nature. In the midst of his serenity, two mechanical arms descended and grabbed his shoulders, carrying him up into the clouds.

An hour passed, and Taako and Magnus were waiting for Merle at the entrance.

“I knew he should have stayed at the ship,” Taako mumbled, sitting cross-legged on the ground.

“Should we go find him?” Magnus was worried. He knew Merle only made bad situations worse, and without them, he could really cause issues.

“I’m sure he’s fine. Probably just a little lost. It’s a big city.”

“Well, I’m going to find him.”

“Be my guest, but Taako’s good out here.”

“Come on. You would hate it if we left you.”

“Fine. But, as soon as my life is in any kind of danger I’m gone.”

With that, the duo set off to locate their missing cleric. They had searched for what Taako described as hours when they spotted a tool belonging to their friend on the ground. Before either of them could say anything, a pair of metal arms caught them and hauled them off to the sky.

Taako and Magnus woke up to find themselves in a circular room. In the center of the room was Merle, sitting at a large desk. Lining the circular walls of the room were two levels of rings. Magnus and Taako were seated on the upper ring alone. The lower ring was completely filled with people. After closer inspection, the pair noticed the people had no hair, no facial features, and no arms. The figures were a pale grey color and they wore thin, delicate clothing.

“Merle Highchruch, the dwarven cleric of another world, you are in direct violation of our established laws. You were discovered aiding the growth of an invasive threat to our way of existence. We are now in the process of evaluating to what extent you will be punished.”

Merle sat in silence as all the figures turned pages in the tomes in front of them. Taako and Magnus were unsure of what to do. After a moment of stillness, the figures turned to look at the pair above them in unison.

“Taako, Magnus Burnsides, you are both familiar with the accused, correct?”

“Nope, I have never seen this gu—”

“Give our friend back!” Magnus interjected, rising to his feet.

“Very well. You will act as officiators of the truth. You will confirm whether the accused’s statements are truthful or not.”

“No! Let him go!”

“Now, Merle Highchurch, were you or were you not interacting with the plant?”

“Yes.”

All the heads turned to the pair above, waiting for confirmation. Taako shrugged his shoulders, and it seemed to satisfy the figures.

“And, what was your intention in doing so?”

“To set it free of course!”

Another shrug from Taako.

“Then you confess to your crime?”

“Yes.”

Magnus jumped to his feet again. Before he could make his objection, more metal claws held him, Taako, and Merle. He featureless beings rose from their seats.  
“Merle Highchurch, by the authority of this council, you are sentenced to two days of re-education and community service. Your sentence will begin at sunrise tomorrow. A room has been prepared for you, and another room is provided for your companions. Dismissed.”

The arms lifted the trio up and out of the room and out of the building. Merle was sent to the southwest side of the city while Taako and Magnus were taken to the east. The pair was dropped off on a balcony that led to what looked like a reception office. Confused, they were greeted by another figure at a desk.

“Welcome, residents, to the temporary housing tower. Your room is 32F. That’s the room labeled as F on floor 32.”

“Sorry, friend. We are not staying here. Where’s the exit?”

“Unfortunately, the law requires you both to remain in the city until Merle Highchurch’s sentence is complete.”

“Hell no! I’ve got plans!”

Taako turned on his heels and marched toward the open balcony.

“How exactly do you plan on getting down?” Magnus scorned.

“Oh, I don’t know. Magic maybe. You know, like a fucking wizard?”

At the edge, Taako turned to the figure at the desk, flipped it off, then jumped back. After a few seconds, two arms plunged from the sky down to the elf. Moments later, Taako was lifted back up to the balcony, a dejected expression on his face.

“The room better be fucking amazing,” the helpless wizard scowled.

The elevator that took the duo to their floor was silent. Taako continued to complain but to no avail. When they finally reached their room, Magnus tried the door. To their surprise, it was unlocked. The room was fairly large. It was well kept and organized. It resembled more of a small house than a single room. There was only one issue: there was only one bed.

“Dibs!” Taako exclaimed as he dived onto the bed.

“Only one?”

“Yep, and it’s all mine, sucker!”

“Well, I’m going to see about getting some food. Enjoy your bed, I guess.”

The evening was uneventful. Magnus found fresh cooking ingredients in the kitchen, but Taako refused to let him cook. After a fantastic meal, the pair was ready to sleep. Taako stuck to his claim of the bed.

“Where am I supposed to sleep?”

“Well, the floor is open, my dude.”

With a sigh, Magnus gave in. He took some blankets and a pillow and set up a bed on the ground at the base of Taako’s bed. Taako couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty for leaving his friends on the floor, but there was no way he could go back now. No one slept well that night.

The following day was slow. Taako and Magnus wandered around the city to find anything interesting. Most of the buildings were off limits to them, and the ones that weren’t were boring or filled with overly priced services.

Merle didn’t have it much better. The re-education didn’t do much, but he knew what the system wanted him to say. The service was a different story. It wasn’t difficult physically, but it was complicated. He often did things incorrectly, yet it didn’t seem to count against him. The metallic planet had relatively short days, each lasting only twelve hours. Because of this, the evening arrived sooner than expected. Merle was confident he could survive a few more hours of pointless punishment. Taako, on the other hand, had to make a decision.

“The bed’s all yours tonight, okay?”

Magnus was shocked to hear this. Taako wasn’t the type of person to give anything away.

“Really?”

“Um, yeah. I’ll just bunk on the floor.”

“Why? You can just sleep on the bed with me. I’m not going to hog it.”

“Sweet!”

Before Magnus could make his way under the covers, Taako jumped in and made himself comfortable. With a small chuckle, Magnus climbed in as well. They both drifted off to sleep in a matter of minutes, Magnus holding Taako like a teddy bear. Taako snuggled into Magnus’ broad chest in return. Together, the pair slept soundly and woke up the next morning with renewed charisma.

The next day passed by quicker than the day before. In a blink of an eye, Merle was released from his imprisonment and rejoined his party at the entrance of the city. Merle missed the two idiots greatly and wanted to leave as soon as possible.

“Let’s get out of here,” The dwarf sighed upon meeting the pair, “I’m sick of this disgusting place.”

The trio, reunited, exited the city and made their way back to the ship. While Merle couldn’t wait to see the hunger end the world, it held a special place in Taako and Magnus’ hearts for the rest of the year.

**Author's Note:**

> For my other writings consider visiting my tumblr at: www.tumblr.com/blog/empiricalwritings


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